Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day

To my wonderful husband ❤️
When I married you almost 5 years ago I knew that we belong together and that our whole story was meant to be.
With our little son we were entering a new and so wonderful dimension of our relationship.
Parents – we are parents and wouldn’t change it for anything on this planet, not even in the entire universe.
So much love from such a tiny boy, the sweetest love we have ever felt.
It changed us and seeing you as a daddy makes me so so so happy.
I thought that you would be a great father but thinking and feeling it is so different to what you are.
You are his mountain to climb on, he giggles when he grabs your curls, he’s so still when your beard tickles his tiny chin, he loves to sit and eat lots of fruit with you, he’s saying babababa the whole day long and it starts to be more baba now with him knowing exactly who he means. You, his baba.
I admit that I am a bit jealous, there are no m’s yet so not a blink of mamamama but that’s fine.
He’s pushing us to limits we didn’t knew ourselves before but in the end we stand in front of him when he sleeps or plays or smiles and are so blessed and proud and full of love that he belongs to us and makes us a family.
Look what he did for you, our little artist.
(I’m better not mentioning the color everywhere else.)

Father's Day

He wants to write something special for you as well:
Gxchglhdrgvc
Klö cyber lgkö
Yctikvullk
Jntnl Ulkub hbbzjn

(I assume it means “I love you baba and let’s go to the playground later” 😜)

Pregnant through the Tuscany – part I

Pregnant through the Tuscany – part I

It was just the beginning of my pregnancy when we drove to Italy.

These holidays were planned and I was even more excited to visit the places with our baby in my belly.

Couple time for almost three weeks without stress, without work, without daily routine, without plan.

Yes, without plan. What I like is that we spend our holidays according to our mood and indeed without a plan.

We want to sleep long, we do it, we want to visit a certain city, we drive there, we want to eat ice-cream for breakfast, yes, we do that. Perfect for a pregnant woman.

I was a bit worried as the way from Munich to the Grosseto region is quite a ride but with lots of breaks it was completely fine.

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The interesting is that as soon as we are over the Brenner Pass it’s like a button that is pressed and we run in holiday mode. It’s like a magic line, before we are too close to home to feel the holidays already and after that line all is relaxed and sunny and the radio is already playing Italian music.

We’ve chosen to stay in an agriturismo quite close to the sea which is like an apartment on a rural farm. The year before we were more inside the country and my husband had an encounter with a very tiny scorpion and since then the first question before we even check for the price is: “Have you seen scorpions in your area?”.

Our choice was close to perfect! (I will add the address as a footnote for those interested)

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We were expected by Marzia Lucchetti, the owner, and found a homemade cake on our kitchen table to welcome us made by her mother. A family run farm where you feel the warm-hearted atmosphere on the doorstep.

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This was our base camp to start excursions in all directions. It would be our last Tuscany visit as a couple. The next time we would go to Italy it would be a family vacation where activities need to be more baby friendly.

First on the list – find a beach nearby which is not too full and has nice sand. That was easy as the region has indeed wonderful beaches.

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Checking the area is something we love, we just start to drive and see where we end up. Going north felt familiar as we went there the year before and many places were close to our hearts already and a must for this year like San Vincenzo, San Gimignano, Piombino with the wonderful view to the island Elba and of course the bigger cities Siena and Florence.

Exploring the Maremma area was new and we found some hidden jewels for us there as well, Castiglione della Pescaia is one of our favorites, so small but such a wonderful atmosphere in the evening.

Grosseto itself is also nice, we liked it to sit on the market place in the evening when families gather there and children are playing, when will we be back with our child? Will he or she run crazily around like the other kids do, these thoughts were so new yet so full of love already.

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These holidays would be the best before a new chapter in our life would start, I was sure about that and the fear that something could go wrong (again) subsided step by step.

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Here’s the link to the Agriturismo Il Migliarino

Hello…someone’s there, I want to join your life…

Hello…someone’s there, I want to join your life…

It took us less than two months until I had a new positive pregnancy test in my hands and this time the excitement was completely different.

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We were so happy but at the same time completely scared – what if?

There was this what if it happens again and I tried to get it out of my mind as often as possible but it was always lingering around.

This little baby doesn’t deserve a worried and scared mom, it should get all the endorphins a happy mom produces so most of the time I put the ‘what if’ thought aside.

We found out very early as I was tracking my cycle after the first one. I was just 4 weeks pregnant when I had the test in my hand and we started a close schedule of gynecologist appointments for the first weeks mainly to be reassured that all is fine.

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Our holidays were booked already and during that time I would be around 9 weeks, the same time when we lost our first, so we went for one last check-up before we started to drive to Italy.

In Italy we started to relax and more and more to enjoy this pregnancy and to look forward to the months to come.

This little bean was fed with the best Italian food for almost 3 weeks and swam in the sea with us. We drove back completely relaxed and happy.

Once we hit the 12 week milestone we started to tell others and I finally could walk with a smile on my face.

I had the most wonderful pregnancy you can wish for, no morning sickness, no cramps, no bleeding, no nothing – just a tiny bean that was happily growing inside of me.

I will give you some pregnancy impressions in the posts to come so stay with me if you like to read more.

This baby wasn’t meant to be

This baby wasn’t meant to be

After 6 weeks in pink clouds and the most happy state I ever have been in with visits to the ultrasound, hearing a tiny heartbeat, seeing already arms and legs on a tiny embryo I started to bleed a bit.

That can happen and doesn’t mean something bad is going to follow.

In our case unfortunately something bad followed.

“There is no heartbeat!”

These words were touching me again at the core of my being like the positive test I held in my hand 6 weeks earlier – only this time it wasn’t the happy touch but the sad touch.

Our baby has no heartbeat anymore – we won’t have a baby boy or girl at the end of November around my own birthday, why is this happening, did I something wrong, is it my fault, all these thoughts were running wildly through my mind while my husband was asking what we need to do now, how will it go on, the little embryo cannot remain in my belly.

You get options and from the first second it was clear for me that there is only one option for me – let my body do the work. It’s a complete natural process and I didn’t want to go to a hospital, get a surgery with all those risks, I wanted the natural way to be sure everything else is still there and nobody cuts too much.

As we surely knew already then that this is not the end of our baby story and that a new pregnancy happens often soon afterwards this decision was easy made.

The coming weeks weren’t easy but worth it. I had time to let go, time to give my body the rest it needs, time to recover, physically and psychically.

After the so called little birth we went to the gynecologist to check if all is fine and yes, it was.

I have to say that I’m really proud of my body. A human body is a wonder, it can do much much more than we imagine. We should trust our bodies more often instead of going the way which looks easier. The little nest was empty, all that belonged to our baby was gone but the nest was still there and ready to be filled again.

This thought of having built a tiny cosy nest for a sibling was easing my mind and made sense. Our baby was surely not OK, otherwise it would’ve stayed to grow but it had a very important task in his/her life – it prepared a home for a brother or sister to settle in.

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Suddenly pregnant

Suddenly pregnant

We weren’t trying trying like many couples do when they want to start a family shortly after the wedding.

What we did is to just see what happens – what’s meant to be will happen when the time is right.

And then there comes a day when you think something is not normal and maybe a pregnancy test could be the answer. The answer was pink, two pink stripes on a test. I was standing in front of it in disbelief.

Is it really real?

Is there seriously a human being growing inside of me?

Are we ready?

You can think you are ready but once you see these two little stripes you start to question everything all over again.

37 years old and you start to question everything you are – am I really prepared to be a mother, am I capable of taking care until the end of my life, will I be able to give enough love to a child, am I good enough, is that really what we want right now or is it too early or shouldn’t we have started earlier and are already too old?

I tried to calm down and made a couple of tests just to be sure my eyes weren’t tricking me, which she surely didn’t.

The next question is how to tell my husband – there are thousands of ideas you will find on Pinterest but who has time to prepare something like that when you just found out yourself and the next thing you would like to do is shouting it out of the window so that everyone knows how happy you are?

What I managed as my husband wasn’t home is to walk to a children’s shop nearby and buy a pair of really tiny socks. The pregnancy test safely in my bag I walked to the café nearby where we had a date (yes, husband and wife and still dates for a coffee, it is possible).

My husband ordered a coffee for me and I was patiently waiting for it to be on the table as I wasn’t trusting myself in regards to emotions and the last I wanted is to burst out in tears (even if these would be tears of happiness) in front of a waitress.

The coffee was served and I pulled out the baby socks out of the bag behind my back.

“I need to tell you something…today at home I was so curious because I’m a bit overdue as you know…so I bought a couple of days ago…eeehm…what I mean is…I made a test. And…”.

I gave him the tiny socks and tears were welling up in my eyes when I saw his expression on his face.

Here we are – two adult persons sitting in a café – touched at the core of our beings by a very very very tiny being hidden inside of me.

A moment to keep in my mind for the rest of my life.

At this moment all these questions were answered – we ARE parents, whatever comes we will be able to handle it together as a family.

(What we didn’t knew by then is that sooner than we could imagine indeed had to handle a situation that wasn’t on our radar at all but that’s another story.)

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Yoga isn’t my religion

Yoga isn’t my religion

This topic came up a few times since I started to practice Yoga and now I want to tell you that I can be a Yogi without being a Hinduist or a Buddhist!

Not everyone who is running into a Yoga Studio or carries a Yoga mat with him or her has suddenly a religion.

It’s not like “Buy one mat and get a religion for free”.

It is a fact that yoga works with each and every religion.

I am married to a Muslim and therefore I am in a couple of Facebook groups out of curiosity to read how other non Muslim women go along with their Muslim husbands.

What I realized quite quick is that many converted or reverted and are even more strict than a born muslim is.

We had the Yoga topic and I was bombarded with statements like “The wife of a muslim shoulnd’t do this!” as if I would instantly worship a “forbidden” religion.

Here’s my answer:

First of all, yes, my husband is a Muslim, but that doesn’t make me one automatically – like the buy one yoga mat it’s not “marry a Muslim and get his religion for free”. I’m still capable of choosing my own faith!

The second point is that I have never seen Yoga as a religion, why would I?

Many are discussing if you can practice Yoga and still hold your faith.

Why not?

The history of Yoga started around 5000 years ago and was connected to the Vedras which play a role in the roots of Hinduism.

What you can see nowadays, as they share the same language, is that some chanting refets to hindu gods.

Ok, but not every yogi is sitting in a class and is chanting in hindu (many are not even speaking nor understanding hindu so why would they do it?). There are many many people out there practicing yoga regularly whithout having chanted even once! I’m one of them.

I use mantras from time to time – uhuuhhh, what’s that?

A mantra is nothing else than any repeated word or phrase – in meditation you can use it for yourself to manifest certain things for your own life like for instance “Let go of …” or “Trust yourself and love yourself” – whatever is important for you rat that moment. Mantra comes from the Sanskrit word ‘meaning’.

The Yoga language is simply Sanskrit, the same way Christianity is in Latin but Latin itself is not a religion, Islam in Arabic but Arabic itself is not a religion and Judaism is in Hebrew but Hebrew itself is not a religion.

Yoga was even rejected by Hinduism because yoga would not insist that god exists. It didn’t say there was no god but just wouldn’t insist there was.

For me this is another proof that Yoga is not a religion and should not affiliate with any religion.

There’s not one religious creed to be found.

You don’t have to follow certain rituals, such as baptism or confirmation. You don’t have obligations like in several other religions, such as visiting the church or mosque for prayer, fasting, celebrating feasts or receiving sacraments.

What is it then if not a religion? Is it sports, fitness, a hobby?

No, yoga was formed as a way to sit for hours, days, months, maybe longer in a meditative state, as a spiritual practice.

It is a spiritual way of living.

It is a way that teaches you mindfulness, how to take care of your mind, body and soul and how to be a good person.

What about the yogis that eventually would like to reach the state of enlightenment?

This enlightenment will not turn them into a god or a worshiper of god!

It means that they are able to experience a state of inner peace, bliss, some are saying they’ve seen their inner light, they connected to their deepest inner self. But that’s indeed all – no religious sign.

It’s a journey to our inner self.

If I step on my mat I feel calm, I connect with myself and listen to my body, mind and soul.

I breate consciously and fade out the stress of the daily life.

It’s my time to unwind and relax while going in and out of different yoga poses that strengthen my body.

I listen to myself or am still and take the stillness as a recreation for my mind.

The time while I’m doing Yoga is simply the time where I am able to honor all I am and the people around me.

I feel blessed because in times of stillness you are able to connect to what really matters.

If it’s not my religion, why do I post Buddha quotes on my social networks from time to time?

Because I am in charge of who I am and what I like or dislike.

I love Buddha quotes but that doesn’t mean I am a Buddhist, I love quotes from ancient philosophers as well – there is lots of wisdom to be found in many directions and I don’t decide if I like it based on which religion the authors belonged to.

I choose what I like based on the words I read.

One last question was why I can say Namaste without being connected to Hinduism?

Do you have any idea what Namaste means?

My soul honors your soul.

I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides.

I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me.

In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.

 

Said that I give you now my personal explanation; I’m open-minded and one rule for my life is to respect and tolerate every living being on this earth.

I would dare to say that I am a better person than someone else because it’s not my right to put myself in a higher position.

I appreciate my life how it is and therefore also honor or thank others because people teach people lessons.

I wouldn’t be where I am without all those people on this earth.

 

Sending love & light.

Namaste ॐ

 

The Golden Moon on Canvas from the picture can be purchased here:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/211672785/golden-moon-on-white-mid-size-canvas?ref=shop_home_active_7

Yoga isn't my religion

My window into a new life

misssfaith

My window into a new life

You see it in this post, “my” window, it was taken while we were on our first holidays on Cyprus.
My husband gave me the sight back – I was blind, blind in regards to life.
Too many struggles, never ending thoughts, resignation, running in circles, I simply lost the view towards my own future. Life was mainly dark and silent and then he stepped all of a sudden into my life and was so optimistic.
Life is not easy but we should live it as whatever is meant to happen will happen – his faith. We are both faithful persons but in complete different meanings.
What counts is the outcome – being able to love yourself, listen to your heart, trust others, look forward instead of living in the past.

The past is not our life anymore so we need to…

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