Sleep deprivation or how I handle it

As a mom of a 17 months old toddler who is incredibly active I cannot remember when I slept for 8 hours in a row.
It must have been before he was born.
Maybe my breastfeeding dementia is tricking me, but seriously: I MISS SLEEPING
How are you all handling it?
There are millions of moms out there who all went a similar path and we are all still here and 99% of hour days purely happy to have awesome kids.
Is it in our genetics?
I truly think so often in the morning that I have no idea how to make it through the day and then in the end I lay with my son in our bed, for him preferably past midnight (early sleeping is for adults, not for babies or toddlers), and fall asleep in the second he sleeps.
If you ask me how I handle it – I have not the slightest idea.
Don't expect answers here – moreover I would love to hear your thoughts – there must be someone who knows it, right?
Famous tips are lots of coffee or wine (which are surely not meant literally) and both won't work as my toddler is still breastfeeding in the morning and evening and night (and sometimes depending on his mood throughout the day) and no, I don't intend to feed him until he is an adult but for the time being it's mostly ok for us.
I'm not superwoman and I would lie if I would say always because there are early mornings or late evenings where I would love to give him a pacifier in his own bed and close the door.
But our was is different, that's how it is and it's perfect the way it is as I love late night snuggles or how he puts his tiny legs on mine to get closer or snuggles up next to my husband in the morning.
And here I am, writing about sleep deprivation and in the end I tell you how cute and lovely and tiny and wonderful my son is and these sleepless nights or mornings are almost forgotten.
Motherhood is magical, isn't it?

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Still on holidays

We are since two weeks in Italy and simply enjoy this first real family vacation and the dolce far niente (the sweetness of doing nothing) or dolce vita (sweet life) 😊
Here are a few impressions:
Tyrol – we are in Italy
I and the doors – I love to take pictures of doors – this one is in Verona
Verona Centro Storico
Arena di Verona First steps into the sea
San Vincenzo Marina
Livorno
Near Volterra
So much to discover in Volterra
Pure Tuscany
Alabaster near Volterra

What nobody tells you about being a mom

What nobody tells you about being a mom

What nobody tells you

It is the most wonderful thing on earth to become a mom, I sign this sentence every second of my life because it is the ultimate truth!

But, and this but isn’t diminishing the overall happiness, there are times where you ask yourself how to move on. You will, so don’t worry, the question for me is always where the strength is coming from and I haven’t found an answer yet.

What nobody tells you is that you indeed will never sleep like before. Even if you are one of the lucky moms with sleep-through babies or toddlers, the sleep isn’t the same. If the neighbor 2 miles down the road opens a water bottle you will hear it. You are in an alerted state the whole night long, which indeed is great to protect your child. Whenever it breathes somehow strange for your ears you are wide awake.

I enjoyed the luxury of a full year staying at home with my baby and you think that will be like a long vacation – forget that.

Diaper changes are very frequent in the beginning and I mean frequent, as is the feeding routine. There were days where I was breastfeeding 24/7 (at least it felt like it). Spending 2 minutes on your own in the bathroom were the vacation.

Sports, your new hobby will be “running in circles” as this is what happens with a baby. Once you think all is done it will start all over again.

I love to read BOOKS and I always was in denial of getting a kindle or something similar because books need to be out of paper, live, smell. Did you ever try to read a book when the baby sleeps next to you? The light is too much, turning a page sounds as if you are reconstructing the bedroom while your baby should sleep, I’m so glad that I gave in and bought a kindle, otherwise I wouldn’t have read a page in a year.

Now that my baby is a walking toddler he discovers how to make fun of mommy and he’s doing things on purpose. Especially things he shouldn’t do at all. It’s driving you insane when you run after him for the same thing over and over again but the smile on his face because he has so much fun is worth all of it.

I loved every second when he was a baby and every time has its own enchantment.

Now with 14 months he comes on his own to give kisses and to snuggle and there’s nothing more lovely than tiny arms wrapped around your neck – this unconditional love you give from the second your child is born and even before is coming back to you. There is someone who loves you in the purest form of love and who trusts without boundaries.

reaching out for mommy

Were there sleepless night, was their food on the floor, were there diapers everywhere as he found out how to open the diaper box, was there a phone in the toilet, were your keys in the trash bin? EVERYTHING is forgotten at those moments and you are again 100% sure that having a child is the one thing in life which you will always be most proud of and which was the best decision you’ve ever made.

The most important in my life is my son and his well-being – blessed with a wonderful childhood myself I’m trying my best to give him exactly this, a carefree time, building memories, trust, love, understanding, time, time to grow and to discover the world in his own speed, time to spend with his parents, a family, the feeling of being loved and wanted because that’s the truth.

It’s a whole new dimension in life when you become a parent – I thought I had a rough idea on how it would be but I was innocent, only when you are a parent you will be able to partly understand what it’s all about and even then you will doubt if you are doing all right and if you are a good parent.

Believe me, you are!

Our children know more than we do and these little souls know that we are giving all we can to make their life wonderful.

What do you love most about being a mom?

childhood is wonderful

 

A day in the life of a working mum…

 

A day in the life of a working mum…without childcare

toddler at home

Let me show you a typical working day with a toddler at home.

8.00 am – 9.30 am – I actually work

9.30 am – the toddler wakes up

Washing him and changing diapers, breastfeeding, carrying him, sitting and rocking , playing, emptying the dishwasher, starting the washing machine, feed him, playing, answering the phone, breastfeed again, dressing him, reading mails in between, answering IMs from colleagues…

…and all of a sudden it’s 11.45 am.

He yawns.

So off to the bed, breastfeeding until he drifts off into sleep.

12.01 pm conference call

12.25 pm – the toddler (who found out recently how to leave the family bed on his own) taps into the room (seriously, only half an hour where I hoped for at least triple that time to get work done).

Breastfeeding number 4 – he still doesn’t want to eat, I tried.

I shift clothes from the washing machine into the dryer, make soap bubbles to entertain my son and try to answer some emails in between.

12.45 pm – I feel like a cow as he’s sitting on my lap latched again – number 5 for today and no end in sight. I truly love it but when you work you wish that he just eats his bread, yogurt, fruit, instead of occupying me every minute of the day (although he has the right for sure).

1.00 pm – my husband is home so that I can finally work properly at least for a while.

1.30 pm – I cooked pasta for my son with the end result that he ate exactly two while I ate the salad from yesterday evening.

It’s now 2.00 pm – I have a conference call soon that needs preparation (at 3.30 pm) and my lovely toddler sits on the floor beside me, makes noises with a paper box and yawns.

At least I can answer emails again – the sound would have disturbed me a year ago but hey, you’re getting used to focus even when it’s completely noisy around you.

2:30 pm – he ate a few bites of bread and the last was spit well chewed on the floor, and not on the wooden part, no, on the carpet so that I need to clean it with more efforts than on the wooden floor. Still no sign of being ready to sleep, I know after 14 months when it makes sense to lay down with him and when not. In his current mood we would spend an hour in the bed and he wouldn’t sleep so I let him play with the hope that he is soon really tired.

3.00 pm – less than 30 min left until my conference call and my toddler isn’t tired at all – the only option will be that he stays with his dad.

3:29 pm and he’s ‘talking’ loudly with his dad in the bedroom – I have a toddler resistant to sleep on some days. He will sleep, exactly then when we would like to go outside and do some grocery shopping.

Just happy that it’s Friday and this work week is almost over.

4.00 pm – he seems to sleep as I don’t hear anything but I can’t check as I need to jump from one conference call into the next, fortunately the last for today.

For this call I only need to listen so I can start to think about what to cook for dinner today and what we need to buy before shops are closing.

5.30 pm – I’m stuck in that call longer than expected and meanwhile all are awake again so I’m sitting on my desk with a muted headset, my son is running around and wondering what mommy is doing, breastfeeding number 6 for today (I’m not sure if I missed some already as it’s so normal these days) and I’m annoyed because I would give everything to just throw the laptop and enjoy the time with my family. But this job is paying lots what we love in our life and quitting is not an option, besides it is a great job at many times but just now I wish I would be a millionaire not caring for such things as conference calls.

Am I the only one or are other working moms also feel guilty not to be there 100% for their children. I’m apologizing so often to him although he won’t understand a word I’m saying that I still need to do this or that before we can play.

It’ll be past 6.00 pm when I finally am off work and then the private stress will start – what do we really need today, is there something that can’t wait until tomorrow? Cooking dinner is hanging like the Damocles sword above me because I long to have a bit time for NOTHING. No thinking, no you need to, you have to, have you already or when will you – just a quiet hour to recharge but that won’t happen until my son sleeps which recently is rarely before midnight.

I send this post now, unfinished, as the rest of the day until I will fall into my bed (or better until I try to go to my side of the bed without waking him up) I won’t find the time anymore. If I don’t send it now it may sit in my drafts for the next weeks.

That’s motherhood, a day of a working mom without childcare, a crazy day with a toddler, that’s my life and even if it is often beyond exhausting I would NEVER EVER change it back.

Stay strong – we are strong!

And stay away of the thought to be perfect, nobody needs to be perfect! My messy hair will be in a bun in 5 minutes to leave the house and if you look around then you will see many imperfections, so no worries. Most important now is a happy toddler and that’s why I’m off into the weekend now. Bye

 

 

 

 

Balanced Mom or how to relax with a toddler

Balanced Mom or how to relax with a toddler

© by misssfaith2017 (1)

Who said motherhood is easy-going?

It isn’t!

Or better said, it isn’t always!

I was practicing Yoga before pregnancy, almost until the very end of my pregnancy and I started about six weeks after birth again to roll out my mat and loved it but what happened then?

My baby started to move around. I think that was the point when I began to let go.

You prepare the place and it looks so inviting and before you start he wakes up after a 5 minutes nap that should have been a 2 hour nap.

© by misssfaith2017 (8)

And for sure you want your baby to grow and move and explore the world but not just at that moment when you are on your mat.

But that’s life – babies don’t care at all what you want and it is their right!

I’m always saying myself that I wanted him so much and that he deserves my attention. Life without him is unimaginable so what am I complaining about? But still, there’s a tiny voice inside of me saying that I deserve also some time for myself so I just started to check where to find this time because my yoga mat was invaded now by a toddler.

© by misssfaith2017 (5)

In general letting go is something wonderful, letting go old nasty habits, letting go people who stress you, letting go old wounds, letting go bad memories BUT why should I let go my personal realm?

I didn’t want to let it go, it just happened and I was too weak to scream STAY.

There were these endless nights of no sleep and days without one free arm, hours and hours of carrying a baby followed by hours and hours of breastfeeding. And then you see these super-fit moms on Instagram who breastfeed their babies while being in a state of complete relaxation while standing upside down – yes, this is what I needed to be more frustrated even.

I love Jen Pastiloff’s No Bullshit Motherhood because that’s the truth!

We struggle more often than you can even imagine and all of a sudden the baby is asleep and then we worry if he or she is fine instead of using the time to relax, we think we need to be perfect but hey – we DON’T NEED to be perfect – we need to survive this crazy journey of being a mom to be there as we promised our babies in the very first second after birth.

“I’ll be there for you until the end of my life and beyond, my love for you will never die!”

My son is now 14 months and have no idea where all this love is coming from but I love him more each day although I thought it cannot be bigger than when we first met. BUT I am also tired on some days and stressed on others and sometimes both.

My Yoga practice is, let me call it, slightly irregular but I found out that I need less time to relax than before I was a mom. Less time because I know that I need to grab every second as this will be better than nothing so I relax while folding clothes, I relax while having a shower, I relax while being out for a walk when he sleeps, I relax these 5 minutes on the playground when he’s happily eating the sand again (it will improve his immune system, that’s what I tell myself because I cannot stop him anyway).

Today I had really time for yoga, my husband and my son had an afternoon nap and finally I rolled out my mat (to realize that I’m stiff like a wooden stick but who cares) and yes, it felt so so so good.

But more often the truth is that I try to squeeze in 5 minutes with a messy bun on my head just to have the feeling I haven’t lost my yoga at all.

© by misssfaith2017 (7)

I know that this is just a phase and that things change, until then I will embrace this motherhood exactly the way it is! Mostly the best ever and sometimes just beyond my strengths.

Stay strong dear moms out there because you know what – WE ROCK (no men can even imagine what we are capable of and we should be proud of ourselves!)

Standing on the mat for a few deep breaths is sometimes all we manage but that’s fine because we feel alive and know that one day these few deep breaths are just the start of a whole new yoga practice because our children grew up and we miss them on our mats so deeply.

© by misssfaith2017 (9)

I am thankful that I am experiencing all of this, even if it’s not easy from time to time, I just see my son and know it all is so worth it and everything happens for a reason!

Namaste ॐ Yogamamas