I have a tattoo and am not a bad girl

I have a tattoo and am not a bad girl

Believe it or not: Not all tattooed people are possessed by the devil.
It’s fashionable to have a tattoo recently. Many get new tattoos to be in style or feel like a rock star.
You see them printed in almost every magazine and it’s almost uncool to be without.
But is that the right reason to decide if you want one? I don’t think so.
It took me thirty-three years until I decided to have a tattoo.
I was thinking and thinking and thinking because even if the news want to assure you that celebrities change their tattoos like their underwear, it’s not easy to remove one if you don’t like it any longer.
I’m happy that my parents gave me the gift of judging wisely so I’m not having the tramp stamp which was so common in my teenager years and also no butterflies on my body or hearts or, beware, names written on my skin.
My first one is my design as well as my second, so it’s unique as nobody has my handwriting compared with my thoughts.
If one then it should be unique, that was the most important part for me.
Also important, as I’m a working woman, was to be able to hide it during business meetings or when it’s inadequate.
The only person knowing the deeper sense of my tattoos is me, I’m not explaining what exactly was on my mind while designing them and also no one has to like them as long as I’m happy and I definitely am.
Shortly after I had the first one on my skin I met my fiancé and realized that our culture, or let’s say the western culture, is easy going with tattooed people but it’s not common all over the world.
His first question was if it can be removed.
No, it cannot and I was thinking about how to explain him that this will not be last one. The second was already planned to kind of finalize my personal artwork.
He was rubbing my wrist and told me that he doesn’t like it all and me having a second one was one of our first fights.
It took me so much time and thoughts and changing and over thinking until I knew exactly what I wanted just for me and now the first part of the two part unique tattoo was on my skin and the second had to follow.
That was me and even when he wasn’t understanding it, if he wanted me as woman he had to accept it.
Take it or leave it, my decision was made before he stepped into my life and I’m not canceling the second part now. I felt incomplete as the meaning for me wasn’t finished yet.
I was convincing him that it’s not the devil in me, that I’m not possessed or insane, that it will not change me as person with him, it will change me as I’m doing it for myself and that I would feel complete afterwards, it is as if you have a part of your life lived and now it’s time to move on with this first part in a locker or in my case inked under my skin.
The sense should be present in my life as it’s part of me. Not to be forgotten, to be remembered and as a reminder for myself.
As I wrote, there’s even a more and deeper sense which I won’t explain and which would only be understood by a person which walked the exact same path I walked – so nobody else than me.
Harsh sentences and tears rolled but in the end I did what I needed to do.
What I liked is that we were fighting in an emotional way, which meant we cared.
The first signs of emotions going deeper than we imagined.
Nevertheless he was ignoring it first and didn’t want to see it at all. That was not too complicated as we were only communicating over Skype. The long distance between us was not only bad, during this time it was OK.
It’s easy not to show it but we were already planning and booking our holidays on Cyprus. If not before, he would see it then as I wasn’t planning to cover it for the rest of my life.
What happened then while we were together is that on the first evening when we undressed to get rest after long flights and travels I tried to avoid him seeing it. I was just tired and exhausted and starting another discussion was the last thing on earth I wanted that night.
He got a glimpse on it as I put on my sleeping shirt and asked me to show it completely.
My fear of a fight instead of relax into sleep was within one’s reach.
“It’s really nice, honey. And not as big as I thought it would be. You don’t have to hide it from me. I’m the one who loves you, you don’t have to hide anything, never forget that.”
So how to unwind differences?
Don’t leave your main path in life. Sure you can step to the right and to left and make compromises but always stay yourself. Being honest and authentic is important because it makes you the person you truly are.
Keep the faith!

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