We weren’t trying trying like many couples do when they want to start a family shortly after the wedding.
What we did is to just see what happens – what’s meant to be will happen when the time is right.
And then there comes a day when you think something is not normal and maybe a pregnancy test could be the answer. The answer was pink, two pink stripes on a test. I was standing in front of it in disbelief.
Is it really real?
Is there seriously a human being growing inside of me?
Are we ready?
You can think you are ready but once you see these two little stripes you start to question everything all over again.
37 years old and you start to question everything you are – am I really prepared to be a mother, am I capable of taking care until the end of my life, will I be able to give enough love to a child, am I good enough, is that really what we want right now or is it too early or shouldn’t we have started earlier and are already too old?
I tried to calm down and made a couple of tests just to be sure my eyes weren’t tricking me, which she surely didn’t.
The next question is how to tell my husband – there are thousands of ideas you will find on Pinterest but who has time to prepare something like that when you just found out yourself and the next thing you would like to do is shouting it out of the window so that everyone knows how happy you are?
What I managed as my husband wasn’t home is to walk to a children’s shop nearby and buy a pair of really tiny socks. The pregnancy test safely in my bag I walked to the café nearby where we had a date (yes, husband and wife and still dates for a coffee, it is possible).
My husband ordered a coffee for me and I was patiently waiting for it to be on the table as I wasn’t trusting myself in regards to emotions and the last I wanted is to burst out in tears (even if these would be tears of happiness) in front of a waitress.
The coffee was served and I pulled out the baby socks out of the bag behind my back.
“I need to tell you something…today at home I was so curious because I’m a bit overdue as you know…so I bought a couple of days ago…eeehm…what I mean is…I made a test. And…”.
I gave him the tiny socks and tears were welling up in my eyes when I saw his expression on his face.
Here we are – two adult persons sitting in a café – touched at the core of our beings by a very very very tiny being hidden inside of me.
A moment to keep in my mind for the rest of my life.
At this moment all these questions were answered – we ARE parents, whatever comes we will be able to handle it together as a family.
(What we didn’t knew by then is that sooner than we could imagine indeed had to handle a situation that wasn’t on our radar at all but that’s another story.)